Bad Therapy Step 4: Affirm and Accommodate Kids’ Worries

All Mason will eat is buttered noodles. Harper is afraid of dogs. Would you mind crating your dog during our visit? Or, from the therapist: Sounds like your kiddo has testing anxiety. I'll write her a note, so that the school gives her untimed tests. Sound familiar?

If we pamper kids beyond their diaper age, this is what happens to them. They will continue to be pampered until they have to face the real, and then they are doomed. They won’t know how to deal with life because they never knew the reality of life.

That life is nothing but trials and hardships, with some sprinkles of joy and fulfillment spread throughout.

There is a fine line between accommodating and pushing forward, but if a therapist steps in for you and gives you a golden pass to escape, then it must be OK….right?

Schools are no different with this approach:

School psychologists and counselors so often do the opposite: solidify a child's worry through affirmation and accommodation." They intervene with the teacher, ostensibly on a child's behalf, to lighten the homework load or to provide tailored assignments if the standard curriculum seems to cause too much stress. None of this encourages the development of a child's natural resources for coping with her worries or overcoming stressful situations.

We think as parents that we’re not doing this because we’re immigrant parents and we’re harsher as the stereotype goes, but we are doing this with the religion. How many times does your child not pray on time, or skip jummah because they’re in school?

Is that OK?

Are we accommodating the dunya more than the akhirah?

How many times do we wake up for Fajr, but we let our kids sleep in because they have a long exam today?

Let’s just take the example of Jummah prayer for instance.

The masajid are filled with students when Friday is some sort of holiday, but outside of that, where are the kids, specifically young men the rest of the week? I’ve seen parents who do bring their kids to Jummah, and their sons have been successful in graduating and going to college, so don’t tell me it will ruin their future prospects by taking them out of school every Friday, and it will “create a scene.” Nonsense.

Do you really think Allah subhana wata'aalah will not take care of you if you do what He says? What does He say at the end of Surah Jummah?

Say, “What is with Allah is far better than amusement and merchandise. And Allah is the Best Provider.”

Allah is the Best Provider.

You can read more from the book itself.