How to live your life so your children can be successful.

Surah Kahf has so many hidden gems inside of it, and the one that really stuck with me today was about the righteous father who left behind two orphan boys.

This father who passed away, he did two important things:

1. He was a righteous man.

2. He saved for his family.

We all know that we have to earn for our families, and everyone takes this for granted.

Allah did not emphasize this in the ayah.

What did Allah emphasize?

“And their father had been a righteous man.”

وَأَمَّا ٱلْجِدَارُ فَكَانَ لِغُلَـٰمَيْنِ يَتِيمَيْنِ فِى ٱلْمَدِينَةِ وَكَانَ تَحْتَهُۥ كَنزٌۭ لَّهُمَا وَكَانَ أَبُوهُمَا صَـٰلِحًۭا فَأَرَادَ رَبُّكَ أَن يَبْلُغَآ أَشُدَّهُمَا وَيَسْتَخْرِجَا كَنزَهُمَا رَحْمَةًۭ مِّن رَّبِّكَ ۚ وَمَا فَعَلْتُهُۥ عَنْ أَمْرِى ۚ ذَٰلِكَ تَأْوِيلُ مَا لَمْ تَسْطِع عَّلَيْهِ صَبْرًۭا ٨٢

“And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the city, and under the wall was a treasure that belonged to them, and their father had been a righteous man. So your Lord willed that these children should come of age and retrieve their treasure, as a mercy from your Lord. I did not do it ˹all˺ on my own. This is the explanation of what you could not bear patiently.”

Surah Kahf (18:82)

Allah SWT is telling us that if we put our trust in Him and follow the path towards Allah, Allah will take care of our affairs.

But at the same time, we have to do the work and try our best to make it happen!

The treasure that was buried was an active step done by the father, and he obviously had to earn it first and plan ahead.

Remember, tawakkul (trust in Allah) requires us to do our part first, and then leave the rest to Allah.

Don’t just invest in your children’s worldly future, but also remember that if you are righteous, then Allah will provide for them even better than what you have planned.

Make Allah your priority, earn for your family, plan for your family, and leave the rest to Allah.

Tips for a successful marriage.

Sr. Na’ima Robert talks about an important discussion that was very beneficial not only for prospective Muslims who want to get married, but also for those who have been married for years. 

A good listen, especially the first 10-15 minutes where she talks about her personal story of marriage, loss, and shukr (thankfulness). 

If there’s one thing I can say about this video, the advice about thankfulness that she was told by a friend was nothing short of genius and total submission to Allah.

You’re not wasting time if you’re doing stuff with your kids.

Yesterday, I had a plan.

I was going to workout after work, no matter what.

I just had to.

It has been a few days and I knew I needed the workout.

Did I want to do it? Of course not.

But it has to be done.

After Asr prayer, it’s time to hit the “home gym.”

I got back home later than usual from work, and the next thing I know, my driveway has turned into a giant bike repair shop.

My 7 year old’s training wheels weren’t working properly, so I had to fix them.

My 12 year old’s bike handles were loose and swinging up and down which should not be happening, but we were able to tighten them up with a simple Allen wrench.

My 10 year old didn’t have any serious issues with his bike. Yeah, his rear brakes are completely shot, but his front brakes worked well enough to compensate. It’s not like he’s running the Tour de France anyway.

Anyway, he wanted to put on new brakes for his rear wheel, and he got me involved in this project. I thought this would be a good father and son time, fixing things together, and it was.

Did it take exceptionally longer than expected?

Of course it did.

There were moments where I just wanted to stop and tell him to just forget about it right now, but I wanted to show my son that quitting isn’t an option, especially when it is something that is achievable. We kept on pushing and running into roadblocks trying to find the right balance between the brake spacers and the length of the brake wire, but after what seemed like a few hours, we finally figured it out.

There were moments where my son had to hold onto the brakes at a certain angle while I tightened the bolts, but his grip was not strong enough to keep the brakes in place and we would have to keep making adjustments. I could see the expression on his face, that expression of wanting to accomplish the goal, but also not wanting to disappoint his father who has told him several times to hold the brakes in place.

Seeing that expression on his face just made me calm down a few notches, and gave him more encouragement to keep pushing and having him feel that sense of accomplishment after we finally solved the problem.

It was great teamwork from the both of us to finally get the brakes on correctly, and he had a test drive to confirm it was a success.

We both had a nice bonding moment, just working together and fixing the bike.

Was it a waste of time? Of course not, because I was hanging out with my son, and I was able to help my daughters have a good time riding their bikes in this nice fall weather.

After all was said and done, it was Maghrib time, and I just didn’t feel like working out. I was exhausted from my 9-5 (or 8-4 in my case), and I just hustled out 40 pushups so I can say that I at least did some physical activity.

Sometimes things don’t go the way you want them, but you can always turn a chore into a learning and bonding session with your kids.

Lessons learned:

1. Don’t give up when it comes to things that are actually achievable. Struggling is a part of life, and will eventually lead to success.

2. Don’t always assume a new project will be over quickly. Always budget extra time.

3. Be patient with your children. They look up to you and want to please you, so don’t let your anger ruin those special moments and turn them into regretful memories.

4. If you can’t do a full workout, do something quick and fast to get some physical activity in for the day.

Reaching the delegation point in your family life.

You need to prepare for your kids Islamic lesson, but you also need to buy groceries.

What do you do??

You do both, at the same time.

Use the power of delegation, especially for eager kids who want to do the shopping for you.

I was able to prepare our family lecture, while the kids made the shopping list (which I had to approve of course), and the 7 and 10 yr old went together through the store on their own and got the items on the list. My son gave me a report of what he was not able to get because of height limitations on his part 😁.

It was also an act of discipline for me because I knew I had to finish prepping my lesson before they got back to me.

It was a moment of hyperfocus for me and for them.

And a reminder to not belittle what our kids can do, especially if they are eager to learn and do it on their own.

Remember, when you start teaching your kids, it will be tough and they will make many mistakes,

But this is exactly how the early Muslims learned about Islam.

The Prophet ﷺ taught the sahaba, and he had to be patient and endure the mistakes of his people. 

Follow his example, follow his sunnah, and be the best teacher to your kids. 

Doing the bare bones consistently, can lead to Jannah?

The Prophet ﷺ said:

وَمَنْ سَلَكَ طَرِيقًا يَلْتَمِسُ فِيهِ عِلْمًا سَهَّلَ اللَّهُ لَهُ بِهِ طَرِيقًا إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ

Whoever travels a path in search of knowledge, Allah will make easy for him a path to Paradise.

This translation doesn’t do justice to the word that is used for “seeking,” which is “iltimas.”

I’m no Arabic scholar, but I was watching a Righteous and Rich episode, and Br. Imran explained the word “iltimas.” It is commonly translated as “seeking,” but it actually means someone who does less than that.

How much less? It is one of the lowest levels of seeking knowledge, where someone might spend once a week, or even once every two weeks, trying to seek just a little tiny bit of knowledge.

No rigorous studying, but very passive knowledge. 

Even for THIS person, the one who isn’t trying hard at all to seek knowledge, but if he is consistent, Allah will make a path to Paradise easy for him. 

Allah hu Akbar!

After hearing this, there really isn’t any excuse for us not to seek knowledge. Even if it means reading a post on social media (that is authentic), or watching a few short videos (dare I say reels or shorts!), this could be your ticket to Jannah.

Consistency is key though!

Of course we should always strive higher than the bare minimum, and the benefit you will get from seeking knowledge will literally change your life. 

Not only your life, but the lives of those you are responsible for.

Your children, and your spouse.

Imagine spending just 5 minutes a day teaching your children about something you learned. It doesn’t even have to be directly related to Islamic knowledge, but maybe something happened in your day, and you can relate it to your kids by showing them how such and such a situation was a blessing, how that incident was a trial, how this situation reminded me of the Prophet ﷺ during this phase, etc. 

These 5 minutes will add up over time, and they will organically lengthen the conversations you have with your children. They will ask you questions, and the conversation will keep going while you bond with them. 

The knowledge discussions will be something they will actually look forward to, and before you know it, these discussions will become longer without seeming like a drag. 

And best of yet by Allah’s will, your path to Paradise will be easy!

Check out the video clip here.

What is the best parenting style?

Abigail Shrier from her book, “Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up,” regarding parenting styles: 

After studying the ways parents attempt to control the behavior of children, Baumrind discerned three general approaches: permissive, authoritative, and authoritarian. 

The "permissive parent" assiduously avoids punishment. She affirms the child's impulses, desires, and actions, and consults the child about family decisions.

She makes few demands on the child with regard to responsibilities and orderly behavior. "She presents herself to the child as a resource for him to use as he wishes, not as an ideal for him to emulate, nor as an active agent responsible for shaping or altering his future behavior," Baumrind explains.”

“The "authoritarian parent" values a child's obedience as a virtue, holds the child's behavior to an absolute standard, works to keep the child in his place, restricts his autonomy, and does not ever encourage a give-and-take discussion about her rules.

Neither approach produced particularly happy or successful adults.

The "authoritative parent," however, is loving and rule based. She attempts to direct the child's activities in a rational manner, encourages a give-and-take with her child, but "exerts firm control at points of parent-child divergence." Where her point of view on a household rule ultimately conflicts with that of her child, she wins. She maintains high standards for her child's behavior "and does not base her decisions on group consensus or the individual child's desires."

In studies that still manage to chagrin therapists, Baumrind found that authoritative parenting styles produced the most successful, independent, self-reliant, and best emotionally regulated kids; it also produced the happiest kids— those less likely to report suffering from anxiety and depression.

This is a remarkably sturdy research finding: kids are happiest when raised in a loving environment that holds their behavior to high standards, expects them to contribute meaningfully to the household, and is willing to punish when behavior falls short. And it flies in the face of virtually everything therapists and parenting books now exhort.”

If you look at this from an Islamic perspective, it is quite remarkable how authoritative parenting falls in line with how the Prophet ﷺ used to be with not only children, but also with adults. You have a degree of freedom in your life and there is give-and-take within the religion, but at the end of the day, there are certain boundaries that we just cannot cross in Islam.

Later on in the book the author also tells us how most parents think they are the good “authoritative” parents, but they are actually slowly turning into permissive parents.

This is because the goalposts of what is right and wrong, of what is accepted or not, keep moving.

If you don’t have a rule book to live by in your life, the rule book of Islam, then your values will ultimately become what society decides. That is why Islam is such a great way of life. It actually makes things easy by letting us know what is right and wrong.

It helps you be a better person, and it helps you be a better parent.

Pleasing Allah through Cars and Coffee.

My son and I enjoy cars.

He might be a bit more obsessed than I am. Probably because he doesn’t have to worry about costs and maintenance like his dad does.

It is a great way for us to bond together in our shared hobby, and we went to our first cars and coffee yesterday. We had a great time, and we saw some cars we were not expecting to see in our small town:

1. Nissan R34 GTR

2. MK4 Toyota Supra

3. Lotus Esprit

These were probably the highlights of what we saw, but there were tons of Porsches, some GTIs, and some really old classic cars.

There was even a Civic with his exhaust coming out of his engine bay, and he had to skurry on home since it started raining and he had no engine cover for his car 😆.

We had to get up early at 8AM, and it was not something I was initially looking forward to do. I had just come off working 8 straight days of the graveyard shift (1am-9am), and I needed this Saturday to re-calibrate my body back to normal.

Of course that did not happen, but the second part of this event made things much more bearable.

Coffee!

I don’t normally drink coffee (maybe once a week), but when I do, it really kicks in and does it’s job. It is a medicine for me, and not just a social, “Look at me, I’m cool and important and spend $8 on coffee,” type of experience.

I use my car for those types of experiences😁.

All jokes aside, I mainly did it for bonding with my son. To create memories that he will have later on in life. To make him one day also want to make similar memories with his own kids.

To fulfill the ties of kinship.

Initially we were going to go to Tuner Evo in Philly next weekend, but I had some work issues that came up and couldn’t go. Plus we decided that Tuner Evo was not as family friendly because of the excessive “car girls” that events like that are known for having and showing off their "engine bay."

That would have been a whole weekend since Philly is about 8 hours away, but we were able to stay local and have just as much fun. Not only did I save money, but we were able to follow the Cars and Coffee with some high-revving mountain driving that was quite satisfying.

Most importantly, we found a way to have fun and to also please Allah subhana wata'aalah by avoiding the questionable Tuner Evo spectacle.

And fun doesn’t always have to be a spectacle. 

Sometimes fun can just be peace in your heart.

Too many medical diagnoses in children?

Too many kids get a medical diagnosis for something that isn’t worthy of a medical diagnosis: ADHD, depression, anxiety, etc.

Too many kids then believe that something is wrong with them when in reality, we all go through anxious moments and depressive times. 

Too many kids are then constantly reminded in the schooling system about their diagnosis, and they are coddled through the years. 

How will this child grow up to deal with the realities of life? They never experienced the fact that tough times and how we handle them are what makes us stronger.