Tips for a successful marriage.

Sr. Na’ima Robert talks about an important discussion that was very beneficial not only for prospective Muslims who want to get married, but also for those who have been married for years. 

A good listen, especially the first 10-15 minutes where she talks about her personal story of marriage, loss, and shukr (thankfulness). 

If there’s one thing I can say about this video, the advice about thankfulness that she was told by a friend was nothing short of genius and total submission to Allah.

Generative AI and “nudify” apps

Matt Burgess, from Wired.com (on arstechnica):

Major technology companies, including Google, Apple, and Discord, have been enabling people to quickly sign up to harmful “undress” websites, which use AI to remove clothes from real photos to make victims appear to be “nude” without their consent. More than a dozen of these deepfake websites have been using login buttons from the tech companies for months.

A WIRED analysis found 16 of the biggest so-called undress and “nudify” websites using the sign-in infrastructure from Google, Apple, Discord, Twitter, Patreon, and Line. This approach allows people to easily create accounts on the deepfake websites—offering them a veneer of credibility—before they pay for credits and generate images.

While bots and websites that create nonconsensual intimate images of women and girls have existed for years, the number has increased with the introduction of generative AI. This kind of “undress” abuse is alarmingly widespread, with teenage boys allegedly creating images of their classmates. Tech companies have been slow to deal with the scale of the issues, critics say, with the websites appearing highly in search results, paid advertisements promoting them on social media, and apps showing up in app stores.

This is another reason why women and girls in general, shouldn’t post their photos online. The fitna is already there even if the photos aren’t sexualized, but this is a whole other level of just destroying a girls reputation. 

Imagine if this became rampant in the Muslim community? It would just be a huge mess, with families’ reputations being tarnished and girls being slandered against left and right. Imagine a high school or middle school boy liking a muslim girl in school, and trying this feature on her. She may not even be one who posts photos online and might not even be involved in social media, but anyone can just take your photo these days and do whatever they want with it. 

This is a continuation of a trend that normalizes sexual violence against women and girls by Big Tech,” says Adam Dodge, a lawyer and founder of EndTAB (Ending Technology-Enabled Abuse). “Sign-in APIs are tools of convenience. We should never be making sexual violence an act of convenience,” he says. “We should be putting up walls around the access to these apps, and instead we're giving people a drawbridge.

Putting up walls around access to the apps might stop a few people, but those who really want to nudify someone will find a way to nudify them. 

Muslim parents should take heed and address these issues with their children, especially if they have cell phones and are on social media. 

The one who remembers Allah versus, “one of the swearers.”

We were stopped at a traffic light, and all of a sudden, we got struck in the rear by another vehicle. 

There was a sudden moment of panic between me and the other brother next to me, and there were 2 different reactions to this accident.

One person said a form of dhikr, either "La Ilaha Il Allah!" or "Allahu Akbar!" (I can't remember which one.)

and the other person said, "Mother f***ker!"

My goal here is not to boast or anything, but I was the one who said a form of dhikr, and the person next to me was the one swearing. If this had happened back when I was a lot younger though, I would also have been, "one of the swearers."

Imagine being known as, "one of the swearers."

What if we had died that day? One of us would have ended with the dhikr of Allah, and the other one would have ended his life with an expletive. 

Subhan Allah!

The question we have to ask ourselves is, what will we say on our death bed?

It is easy to say that I will say the shahadah on my death bed, but what guarantee do you have that you will die a slow death in a hospital bed, where you know the end is near?

How do you know that you won't just go suddenly in an accident, just like so many people have gone?

The irony of this whole situation is that we were actually on our way back home after a funeral burial!

Not only that, but the person who passed away was a close relative of mine, who died unexpectedly in his own home. 

Once again, Subhan Allah!

We have the blessing of always remembering Allah throughout our day, and we don't need to be in the state of wudhu to remember Him. You can say all the dhikr you want, at anytime!

Keep your tongue moist with the dhikr of Allah, and get rid of the filth that you have been saying. 

The sooner you start, the better you will become at remembering Allah.

Think about it, when you restrain your tongue, that action in and of itself is a remembrance of Allah! You're doing it so you don't displease Him and accumulate sins.

Remember, it takes years to condition yourself to say dhikr at moments of sudden hardship and pain.

It will not happen overnight! I am talking from experience. 

Just like the questions in the grave. We all know the answers, but our actions and our level of faith will determine whether or not we can actually answer those questions when we are 6 feet under. 

Saying dhikr at times of difficulty and at times of ease is a Sunnah, and it is an easy one that we can implement in our lives. 

Imagine dying while swearing, acquiring a sin and displeasing Allah at your last moment.

Audhubillah..

Now imagine the opposite, where you die remembering Allah as your last words. You will die doing a Sunnah and remembering Alllah at the same time!

Allahu Akbar!

The choice is yours, and it is up to you to work on yourself so you can have a good ending to your life. 

The more you strive towards Allah, the more you will remember Allah, the more dhikr you will do, and when life hits you with a ton of bricks (or with the front end of a car!), then in sha Allah, you will be conditioned to praise Allah instead of displeasing Allah.

Remember what the Prophet (peace be upon him) said about the consequences of the tongue:

"O Messenger of Allah! Shall we really be accounted for what we talk about?" He replied, "May your mother lose you O Muadh! People will be thrown on their faces into Hell on account of their tongues."

Sunan Ibn Majah, 3973

At the same time, the tongue can lead you to Paradise: 

It was narrated that Mu’aadh ibn Jabal (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say,: “If a person’s last words are Laa ilaaha ill-Allah, Paradise will be guaranteed for him.”

Narrated by Ahmad, 21529

May Allah allow all of us to have a good ending to our lives, Ameen.

With the power of A.I. how can you verify your loved ones are alive?

Sarah Jeong from The Verge:

The persistent cry of “Fake News!” from Trumpist quarters presaged the beginning of this era of unmitigated bullshit, in which the impact of the truth will be deadened by the firehose of lies. The next Abu Ghraib will be buried under a sea of AI-generated war crime snuff. The next George Floyd will go unnoticed and unvindicated….

We briefly lived in an era in which the photograph was a shortcut to reality, to knowing things, to having a smoking gun. It was an extraordinarily useful tool for navigating the world around us. We are now leaping headfirst into a future in which reality is simply less knowable. The lost Library of Alexandria could have fit onto the microSD card in my Nintendo Switch, and yet the cutting edge of technology is a handheld telephone that spews lies as a fun little bonus feature. 

Having AI to alter photos is great for when you take a family photo so you can remove some inappropriately dressed people in the background.

Like all new technologies though, the most obvious danger that Sarah alludes to is using AI to start new wars, cause mass distrust from people, and just the overall mass speculation of society about anything.

Who can you trust, when any image can be created and altered to your narrative?

Here are some sample photos from the article, in order to avoid looking at some of the impermissible ones:

Could AI be the next thing that brings back old-school lifestyles, where people will cherish having the in-person experience, versus assuming a video or a person they are talking to is a real individual?

Will we reach a point where actually traveling to meet your loved ones will be the only way we can verify their existence?

With how false chatGPT can be in giving you answers about Islam, will you trust any AI source with your religion?

There are just so many questions that need to be answered, but no one can deny that living the experience will be something people will cherish more than anything.

Having a mufti that you study under will be more valuable than a remote experience.

Visiting family will be a reassurance that yes, they do still exist, and they are alive!

The wonders of technology will make us once again “regress” to old ways of in-person experiences, and perhaps to a certain degree, that may be a good thing.

The path to that point however, might not be so easy.

Less than 1 percent of what you say can change people’s lives forever…

Last weekend, I was driving and watching a YouTube video, and I got a notification from my substack app. I don’t remember exactly what the notification was, but all I remember was that the notification banner mentioned something about...istighfar.

I realized at that point that while I am alone in the car, with no one to talk to, now would be a good time to talk to Allah and ask for forgiveness. Surely you can never ask for too much forgiveness, since we are perpetual sinners!

It also reminded me of the blessings of istighfar, one of them being that it will increase your wealth. That is exactly what the people of Nuh (AS) were told, that forgiveness will give you abundance:

I said to them: “Ask forgiveness from your Lord; surely He is Most Forgiving. He will shower you with abundant rain, and will provide you with wealth and children, and will bestow upon you gardens and rivers.”

Surah Nuh (71:10-12)

Subhan Allah, look at what forgiveness can bring your way!

All these thoughts were going through my head, all from just a quick banner notification that I dismissed so quickly so I could continue to watch YouTube.

Even though I dismissed the notification as fast as I could, I saw the notification long enough that it made me pause the video, take a few minutes to be as genuine as I can about my sins and ask Allah for forgiveness, and then continue with my day.

I am not even sure who wrote the substack post because I can’t even find it 🙃, but it just shows us that as long as we have a sincere intention to please Allah and to bring people closer to Allah, we can get rewarded for those small actions.

This person who wrote this post got good deeds from JUST the notification sent to my phone, without me even reading the article in detail, and allowed me to write my own post about istighfar and its benefits!

Most of what we say online, or even to our families, may be dismissed and not even seen by most people, but there might just be that 0.5% of what you say that touches someone a certain way, and that causes them to make a small change in their life or just reflect and connect with Allah for a few minutes.

Those are the moments that will matter at the end of the day, because if we have helped someone come closer to Allah even for just a few moments, Allah will take note of that.

If Allah has liked what you have done, it doesn't matter what kind of engagement your post gets, because the one who can change your life has already liked what you have done!

The like of all likes!

Reaching the delegation point in your family life.

You need to prepare for your kids Islamic lesson, but you also need to buy groceries.

What do you do??

You do both, at the same time.

Use the power of delegation, especially for eager kids who want to do the shopping for you.

I was able to prepare our family lecture, while the kids made the shopping list (which I had to approve of course), and the 7 and 10 yr old went together through the store on their own and got the items on the list. My son gave me a report of what he was not able to get because of height limitations on his part 😁.

It was also an act of discipline for me because I knew I had to finish prepping my lesson before they got back to me.

It was a moment of hyperfocus for me and for them.

And a reminder to not belittle what our kids can do, especially if they are eager to learn and do it on their own.

Remember, when you start teaching your kids, it will be tough and they will make many mistakes,

But this is exactly how the early Muslims learned about Islam.

The Prophet ﷺ taught the sahaba, and he had to be patient and endure the mistakes of his people. 

Follow his example, follow his sunnah, and be the best teacher to your kids. 

Will you have this regret when you are gone?

We have all seemingly missed out on so much.

We didn’t give any importance to cryptocurrency and especially bitcoin, and we were not able to capitalize on it as much as we would have liked, when it was only literally pennies for bitcoin.

How about the housing market? Maybe we were tempted to buy a house with a riba based loan, but we said NO, and now that opportunity to save in cash for a house keeps dwindling away since the prices are out of control. We “missed out” on that opportunity.

We could have bought a car for much cheaper before the pandemic, but now car prices are just ridiculous. We missed out on that opportunity.

There are just so many opportunities that we have seemingly missed out on, but we have to remember one thing:

When we are in our graves, the only opportunity that we will care about at that time is:

Did we miss out on our Islam?

Did we miss out on our religion?

Did we miss out on our real purpose in life?

We as Muslims already have the best thing that no dollar, no house, no bitcoin, no exotic car can buy.

We have la ilaha il Allah.

We have Allah on our side!

We have the truth!

We have guidance to Paradise!

There will be so many people who would have wished they had Islam, crying to the point where they would be willing to sacrifice everyone they know and all the people in the world in order to save themselves.

“To save himself from the torment of that Day, the culprit shall wish to give his children, his wife, his brother, his kinsfolk who gave him shelter, and all the people of the earth, just to save themselves.”

(Surah Ma’arij 70:11-14)

They will be crying with so much regret that they didn’t invest in their REAL life!

They will cry, “I wish I had sent forth ˹something good˺ for my ˹true˺ life.”

(Surah Fajr: 89:24)

Whenever you feel like you’ve missed out on something, or an opportunity has passed you buy, then always remember that you still have the best gift of all.

Islam!

The earlier you start, the better.

The earlier you start something, the quicker you will get better at it.

This is especially true with homeschooling.

When you have just one child, it is very easy to homeschool them, and you can accelerate their learning since the teacher to student ratio is 1:1.

Or even 2:1 if both parents get involved!

Just like you adjusted your time and priorities when you got married, and again after having your first child, you can adjust once again by homeschooling them.

When child #2 comes along, you can adjust again, and prioritize your time differently.

It is a gradual process and you will notice how much you can actually accomplish.

You will even look back at when you only had one child, and how “busy” you thought you were with just one brain to feed 😅.

If you already have 3 kids that are in public schools, and now decide to start homeschooling them, it can still be done, no doubt about it, but the challenges and initial shock will be much more difficult.

This is what keeps people from even getting started, until it gets far too long in the tooth and the opportunity has passed you by.

How boys and girls think differently about money.

The other day, my daughter comes up to me, very nonchalantly, and just tells me,

“Papa, I think I lost my money.”

There was no emotion or panic in her tone whatsoever. I was more in shock of how calm she was because I knew she had a decent chunk of change for a 12 year old (about $500 from gifts and Eid money).

So naturally I asked her, “how much money? Do you mean your purse?” Her purse usually has like $20-$40.

I was like there was no way she lost ALL her money.

She replies again in her casual voice, “No. I lost all my money.”

So now I’m a bit concerned and freaking out a bit inside, and we go on a mission to backtrack her steps and search her room, and eventually she finds it fairly quickly.

Once she finds it, it’s just a, “Oh there it is.” and there’s just the tiniest sign of relief on her face.

After this ordeal, I was just taken aback by her attitude and how losing the money didn’t make her freak out. When I thought about it more, it didn't really surprise me.

We have been homeschooling them since the beginning, and we have been teaching them proper Islamic principles, including how a household is run, who is in charge of what, and who brings home the “dough,” and who cooks the dough.

It’s a system that Alhumdulilah works amazingly well, and brings benefit to everyone.

My wife doesn’t have to worry about money, and naturally, my daughter has picked that up from her. Having a lot of money isn’t a priority for my daughter, and being thrifty with money is one of her qualities.

Frankly, it should be a quality for all of us.

Her carelessness with money isn’t spending too much, but just misplacing it in her room 😂.

My son, on the other hand, is the opposite. He is much more meticulous with money, always trying to find ways to earn money, mainly because he tends to spend more money. If he had lost his wad of cash, he would have turned the whole house upside down trying to find it. He would definitely have been in a more panicked state. 

The way my son and daughter react emotionally to money is part of their fitra that is inside all of us as Muslims, and something that our house has reinforced:

Men are the providers of the household and have to worry about money and providing, while women are the maintainers of the household and have to worry about caretaking and maintaining. They are different roles for men and women, but in the eyes of Allah, they are noble and equitable positions that can take you to Jannah. 

Someone who stays home isn’t a worse person because they take care of the home vs the one who has to go out and work.

If your kids grow up without the influence of social media, and without the influence of anti-Islamic lifestyles that they see all day and are fed through the school systems, they are more likely to grow up on the fitra and you will have to spend less time trying to detox their minds.

You will see the fitra flourish in the actions of your kids, from the obvious to the more subtle, like finances.

Doing the bare bones consistently, can lead to Jannah?

The Prophet ﷺ said:

وَمَنْ سَلَكَ طَرِيقًا يَلْتَمِسُ فِيهِ عِلْمًا سَهَّلَ اللَّهُ لَهُ بِهِ طَرِيقًا إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ

Whoever travels a path in search of knowledge, Allah will make easy for him a path to Paradise.

This translation doesn’t do justice to the word that is used for “seeking,” which is “iltimas.”

I’m no Arabic scholar, but I was watching a Righteous and Rich episode, and Br. Imran explained the word “iltimas.” It is commonly translated as “seeking,” but it actually means someone who does less than that.

How much less? It is one of the lowest levels of seeking knowledge, where someone might spend once a week, or even once every two weeks, trying to seek just a little tiny bit of knowledge.

No rigorous studying, but very passive knowledge. 

Even for THIS person, the one who isn’t trying hard at all to seek knowledge, but if he is consistent, Allah will make a path to Paradise easy for him. 

Allah hu Akbar!

After hearing this, there really isn’t any excuse for us not to seek knowledge. Even if it means reading a post on social media (that is authentic), or watching a few short videos (dare I say reels or shorts!), this could be your ticket to Jannah.

Consistency is key though!

Of course we should always strive higher than the bare minimum, and the benefit you will get from seeking knowledge will literally change your life. 

Not only your life, but the lives of those you are responsible for.

Your children, and your spouse.

Imagine spending just 5 minutes a day teaching your children about something you learned. It doesn’t even have to be directly related to Islamic knowledge, but maybe something happened in your day, and you can relate it to your kids by showing them how such and such a situation was a blessing, how that incident was a trial, how this situation reminded me of the Prophet ﷺ during this phase, etc. 

These 5 minutes will add up over time, and they will organically lengthen the conversations you have with your children. They will ask you questions, and the conversation will keep going while you bond with them. 

The knowledge discussions will be something they will actually look forward to, and before you know it, these discussions will become longer without seeming like a drag. 

And best of yet by Allah’s will, your path to Paradise will be easy!

Check out the video clip here.

A Sunnah we can all do and need.

One of the easiest Sunnahs that we can all do today is also one of the Sunnahs that we all need today, arguably more than ever:

‎Smiling in the face of your brother.

‎At-Tirmidhi (1956) narrated that Abu Dharr said: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:

‎“Your smiling at your brother is an act of charity.”

‎With all the carnage that is happening out there,

‎With all the hardships people are enduring,

‎With all the trials that we are facing,

‎With all the degeneracy that we see is happening,

‎Let us uplift one another with a smile.

‎It will make you feel better, and it will make your brother feel better.

‎Not that we need anymore validation as Muslims because the Prophet ﷺ is validation, but smiling is also scientifically proven to make you feel better.

Authoritarian vs Authoritative Parenting

I discussed Permissive parenting in a previous post, but now I want to talk about Authoritarian Parenting. This is probably something many Muslims are familiar with, since it has the qualities that we grew up with, and by consequence, we have now inherited those same tactics for our own kids. 

So what is Authoritarian Parenting? Here is what Abigail Shrier says in her book:

“The "authoritarian parent" values a child's obedience as a virtue, holds the child's behavior to an absolute standard, works to keep the child in his place, restricts his autonomy, and does not ever encourage a give-and-take discussion about her rules.

Does this sound familiar? Absolute obedience to the “establishment,” meaning your parents, no matter what. The obedience itself is virtuous. There is no room for discussion at all. This kind of parenting doesn’t just last when the child is young, but it goes on all the way to adulthood. 

“You need to be a Doctor, or else you won’t get a good job.”

“You can’t get married until your other siblings get married first.”

The amount of control can be surprising, and the worst part is when this absolute obedience to parents leads to the disobedience of Allah. 

Allah was never in the picture, and you, the parent, were the authority to be pleased. 

There is no room for creativity or alternative suggestions to satisfy both parties. 

This will psychologically damage your kids, and they themselves will not be effective leaders. 

Remember, “authoritative parenting,” is the best balance of control and love. Follow the Islamic model and the example of the Prophet ﷺ and you will find that middle ground of authority, love, and guidance for your children.

Hack your brain and think positive.

So there I was, driving down the road through some twisty turns, and I noticed that the neighborhood I was going through was a very wealthy neighborhood. It was the American dream in real life: big houses, big green landscaped yards, and 2 or 3 cars in each driveway, all secluded and distant from each other. 

I remember a similar scene but it was in a different scenario. I was at the Smoky Mountains and I took a helicopter ride, and I was able to see the beautiful scenery of the green mountains and the giant homes in that area. 

All of this made me feel happy for a reason, even though I don’t own a house and am not a fan of taking a mortgage for obvious Islamic reasons. 

Seeing all these beautiful things that I wanted made me realize that in Jannah, I can have all of this plus much more! 

Forget about just one huge house, how about huge palaces that would make these houses look like monopoly homes in size?

2 or 3 family cars in the driveway? How about the most exotic sports cars that I can summon my way into at just the thought of it happening!

Green landscaped backyards? How about a yard as far as the eye can see, with rivers, fruits, and your family and friends nearby? No landscaping costs involved!

When we see what others have, let us remind ourselves that even if we can’t get those things in this life, we still have an opportunity to get them in the next life. 

Not only that, but this life is only an infinitely small fraction of our total existence! 

Don’t put all your eggs in the dunya basket.

Remember the Hadith Qudsi:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Allah said, ‘I have prepared for My righteous slaves (such excellent things) as no eye has ever seen, nor an ear has ever heard nor a human heart can ever think of.’ ”

What will you tell your kids on your deathbed?

This verse gets me every time.

It’s a stark reminder that we will eventually leave this world, and our children will be left without us.

The question that goes through every Muslim parent’s mind, who worries for their children, should be this question that is in Surah Baqara, Verse 133:

Or did you witness when death came to Jacob? He asked his children, “Who will you worship after my passing?” They replied, “We will ˹continue to˺ worship your God, the God of your forefathers—Abraham, Ishmael, and Isaac—the One God. And to Him we ˹all˺ submit.” (2:133)

Jacob or Yaqub (AS) didn’t talk about the worldly worries:

“Do you have enough money to survive?”

“Is your job stable enough so you can support yourself?”

“Here are all my passwords to my accounts so you can calculate the inheritance.”

On his deathbed, Yaqub AS only had one worry for his children. Something much more precious than the luxuries of this world. He wanted to make sure his kids knew what their real purpose was.

“Are you going to worship Allah, or will you forget about your Lord when I am gone?”

A magnificent question from Yaqub AS, and a question we need to be asking our children before we reach our deathbeds because one day, we will be gone, and they won’t have us as a fallback for life’s concerns. Plus we have no guaranteed that they will be around when we are on our deathbeds.

If we train our kids properly and bring them up in a house of Islam, then in sha Allah they will have an answer that is just as amazing as the question. Look at how Yaqub’s children respond:

“We will ˹continue to˺ worship your God, the God of your forefathers—Abraham, Ishmael, and Isaac—the One God. And to Him we ˹all˺ submit.” (2:133)

Subhan Allah, look at that beautiful answer. They didn’t just respond by saying, “We will worship Allah.” They responded by saying that we will worship your God, the one true God, the God of your forefathers, AND to Him we will all submit.

Let’s break this down for a bit.

This comprehensive answer means that Yaqub (AS) didn’t just teach his kids that Allah is one and call it a day.

He taught his children about Allah, he taught his children about the Prophets who were alive before him (who were his ancestors), and he taught his children that the main goal in life is to submit to Allah.

In essence, he would teach them the “Qur’an and Seerah” of his time. The Qur’an being the Scrolls of Abraham, and the Seerah being the lives of Abraham, Ishmael, and Isaac.

He taught them the formula for success, which is to learn first and foremost who Allah is, and then to follow the teachings and examples of the Prophets in terms of how to worship Allah.

We have the same formula in Islam. We teach our kids about who Allah is, and we also have to teach our kids the Qur’an and Seerah of our Prophet salal. The Seerah is linked with the Qur’an directly. You can’t possibly study the life of the Prophet and not encounter the Qur’an in it.

Now let’s also look at it even deeper. When someone asks you a question, whether you know the answer or not, you will reply as simply as you can. When Yaqub AS asks his kids this question, they reply back in such an impressive manner that it makes you think, “Did Yaqub ask them this question even before he was dying,” because no one can answer in such an impressive manner unless you were already reminded and coached about this constantly throughout your life.

And the answer to that is YES, they were coached throughout their lives about the purpose of their life. If we look back at the verse right before this one, we will see what Yaqub tells his children:

And Abraham instructed his sons [to do the same] and [so did] Jacob, [saying], "O my sons, indeed Allāh has chosen for you this religion, so do not die except while you are Muslims." (2:132)